Outfit Details:
Hello ladies! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my conversations with people and have noticed one common theme. As a society, we overuse the word BUSY. There is a culture of being busy, and even worse, there is a culture of “I’m busier than you.” It’s kind of like “Busy Shaming” and you may be guilty of it even if you don’t realize.
How We Busy Shame…
In this culture of being busy, we are all guilty of busy shaming, either out loud or silently in our head. A great example is your email inbox. I have about 150 emails every morning when I walk in the door at work. That may sound like a lot, but after I weed through them only about 30 require a response or actual work to be done. That doesn’t mean that my day is busier than someone who gets 25 emails and have 10 that require work or a response. It’s all relative and the outcome is still the same. It’s all work at the end of the day. So why do we think we are busier than everyone else?
It’s a fascinating concept and one that I’ve contemplated for a very long time as a late bloomer. There are so many life stages: single, dating, newly married, married with kids, single parent and everything in between. Through all those stages things don’t necessarily get busier. Instead, your priorities change and new things become a bigger focus. When I was single and 25 years old, cleaning my house every Thursday was a huge deal to me… I’m talking a huge deal! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. After I got married (10 years later :)) it was still a priority for me, but it moved down the list and maybe I did a little dazzle camouflage instead of a full deep clean. (Side note, one of my favorite co-workers taught me the term ‘dazzle camouflage.’ It means sprucing things up a bit so they look fabulous with very little effort).
Everybody’s “busy” is different and relevant to their life and their current life stage. Some people have kids and the focus of their life is their kids and their kid’s schedules, and that is perfectly acceptable and ok. My single friends are focused on work, traveling and having a jam packed social schedule, which is also perfectly acceptable and ok. My married friends with no kids are focused on traveling, working out at 6am and taking care of their pets…again…perfectly acceptable and ok. All of these tasks are perfectly acceptable ways to fill up one’s time in this culture of being busy. So why does a single person think the married person is wasting their time chasing their kids? And why do the parents resent those who have great social calendars? Just because someone else chooses different priorities for their time, doesn’t mean their schedule shouldn’t be appreciated or respected.
Your response to people’s ‘busy’ is also important and shows a lot about you as a person. To my friends that travel a lot, I would never say something like “I wish I had more time to travel” or “oh, you’re those people that travel a ton.” Both comments are actually rude and are really just a backhanded knock at their lifestyle. If I want to travel more, then I am in control and can figure out how to do it. I shouldn’t make it sound like they are prioritizing the wrong things in life. A better response would be “that trip sounds amazing, I’m putting it on my bucket list.” Do you see the difference?
And How to Stop…
So how can we all stop the busy shaming? We can start by using words are phrases that don’t use the word busy. I came up with a few that I have started to incorporate into my vocabulary, check them out!
“I’m currently engaged with…”
“My week is bouncing here and there and everywhere, but enjoying every minute of it”
“I feel a little underwater right now, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel”
“I’m being super productive right now”
“I’ve been working on x, y and z”
“I’ve got a lot to do, but I am super excited to see the end results”
As you try to navigate this culture of being busy, here is something to keep in mind. The one thing that everyone in the entire world has the same amount of is time. We all get 24 hours a day and seven days a week, to do whatever we want. Some choose to fill that time working their rear ends off while others choose to focus on travel, family or napping (which I’m guilty of sometimes).
How you choose to fill your time is completely up to you. The bottom line is you create your own “busy”, so don’t complain about it to make yourself feel better. Or make others feel like they focus on the wrong things. Instead, recognize that everyone is “busy” and respect their schedule and how they accomplish it. Perhaps you can learn from others who seem to have all this “extra time” that you can’t seem to get your hands on.
And here’s the thing about this culture of being busy. It’s not actually being busy. It’s called living life and making time for what you want. Everything in life is a choice. You choose what to fill your time with and what to let go by the wayside. My advice to all of us is stop the busy shaming and embrace the things that fill everyone’s life and accept it for what it is.
Love this. Read something similar that when someone replies to your “How are you?” with an “Oh, I’m just so busy/swamped/things are crazy!” reply, just to say “Well I hope things settle down for you.” And end it right there! Instead of getting into The Who-is-the-Busiest back and forth. So far has worked like a charm – people seemed genuinely stunned to not have the “contest” on whom is the busiest.
I love that idea Christina! There is no need for the “contest” in life.